I puked a lego.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
