I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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