I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
