Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
