Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
