Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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