decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
