There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
