those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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