Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
