If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
