Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
