My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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