I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
