Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
