is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
