Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
