No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
