the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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