Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
