He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
