do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
