If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
