Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
