You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
