Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize