No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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