So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
