theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
