I accidentally burped into my bong.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
