Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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