but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
