you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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