you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
