I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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