I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
