We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
