Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
