last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
