I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
