Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to calm my uterus...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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