My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
