you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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