He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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