You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
