Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
