Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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