I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
