i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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