There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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