Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
