Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
