I cockslap morals
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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