he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
