Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
