is your mom at the bar?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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