Already got asked if we're dating
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
