sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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