It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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