I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
