Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
