hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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